June 16, 2026
When you offer something to someone — your time, your attention, your care — what is truly motivating that gesture?
It’s a question that can be uncomfortable. Because many times, when we look inward with honesty, we discover that behind the gesture of helping there is something that isn’t quite altruism. There is an expectation. An open account. A need to be seen, recognized, loved in return.
This is not a judgment. It is the nature of the human ego. The ego operates by a logic of giving while expecting to receive. Sometimes this logic is explicit: you do something expecting the other person to reciprocate with gratitude, loyalty, or recognition. Other times it is more subtle: you give so much of yourself that when you don’t receive back what you expected, you feel a hurt you didn’t even know you were carrying.
That hurt is the signal. It reveals that what you called helping was, in truth, a form of exchange.
I see this happen in many ways. In the father who takes care of everything in the family and, deep down, expects his children to acknowledge the sacrifice. In the friend who is always available and, when in need, discovers they are alone. In the partner who anticipates the other’s every desire and, over time, accumulates a record of resentments.
In these cases, the giving was an attempt to purchase love, to secure belonging, to fill the void of an emotional need.
We learn from an early age that love must be earned, that caring for others is a way to ensure we won’t be abandoned. There is no point in blaming yourself for this. But looking this egoism squarely in the face — that is something else entirely. Comprehending how this mechanism operates within us is the first step toward beginning to free yourself from it.
When you notice yourself wanting to help someone, pause for a moment. Ask yourself gently: am I giving because it genuinely flows from me, or am I giving because I expect something in return? There is no right or wrong answer. There is only the truth of what is happening inside you.
That recognition is already a step of healing. Because what is not seen cannot be transformed.
The awakening heart learns a different logic — not that of the ego, which needs to receive in order to give, but that of love, which flows because it is the nature of love to flow. Which gives because it overflows, not because it expects to be rewarded.
This kind of giving is rare. But it is possible. And it is what, in my spiritual tradition, we call karma yoga — selfless action.
This is not about giving without limits or denying your own needs. It is about learning to identify, within yourself, when a gesture comes from the fear of not being loved and when it comes from the fullness of your heart.
This is a deconditioning that requires willpower and patience — but it begins now, with this honesty toward yourself.
When you experience the ease of giving without expecting anything in return, the joy of serving without needing an audience, then, my love, you will discover that to truly help is one of the most liberating acts there is.
Namaste,
Sri Prem Baba
