November 3, 2020
For Prem Baba, relationship is a quadrant of life where we have the chance to purify aspects of the ego and, with that, to continue our journey towards the stars. Furthermore, we need to comprehend that the learning that takes place in the sphere of relationships is the learning of life as a whole. However, before fully manifesting divine love, it’s necessary to go through the joys and miseries of human love.
Prem Baba shows the way:
When I was writing the book “Love and Be Free – The Basis for a New Society”, before reaching this title, my intention was to call it “The New Marriage”. Later on, I was inspired to change the title to “Love and be Free – The Basis for a New Society”, for the text is about forging the foundations of a new way of intimately relating with the partner. Surprisingly, for me, Prem Baba, the idea of approaching it as a new marriage comes from the urgency that I feel to redefine the nucleus of society. Therefore, we can go from marriage to the family, and from the family back to society. Within this urgency that I see, the first thing to be done is the inclusion of values in the relationship. Undeniably, the first one is truth.
Note that I, Prem Baba, speak of a relationship where there is transparency, without secrets at all, where there is intimacy and with this, a relationship where you have the freedom to be yourself and a real willingness to embrace the other as they are. A relationship in which there is willingness to reveal who you are and willingness to embrace the revelation of the other. In my understanding, this is intimacy, allowing oneself to be touched at their core.
When there is turbulence in the relationship, when consciousness lowers and comes into conflict, instead of falling into the blame game and looking for someone to blame, the ideal is that both partners together look for the source of the conflict. After this action, both will be truly open to take responsibility for their failures. Then, together they will learn to recognize imperfections and will have the courage to admit them.
PREM BABA SAYS “IF YOU FEED LIES, YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO LIE”
To clarify this point I, Prem Baba, suggest some thinking. First of all, notice that we are talking about a movement that comes from the surface to the center, which starts from the mask in direction of the Self. This is not an easy action to identify. For that, a deep love is necessary because this movement from the false to the real can be very challenging.
In fact, what sustains the mask, which is a pretending to be, is precisely fear. The fear of not being loved, of disappointing, of losing, getting hurt, etc. But realize that if you are not willing to get rid of these masks and continue to feed the lies, you will teach your children to lie. Certainly in this way we will reproduce the pattern in society, because the child learns by example.
I, Prem Baba, can tell a child everything I think, but they will form a character and a personality based on the examples they are seeing and experiencing. So, you can talk about the importance of loving one another and being honest, but if the child sees something else on a daily basis, if they live with their parents lying to each other and therefore, hurting each other, that is what they will assimilate.
Undeniably, the child is born free, loving and trusting. But little by little, they learn to be jealous, possessive and to fight. Where do they learn this from? When you begin to see this, you discover that seeing the truth requires courage. Each one has their own time. Each one knows by their own where it gets tough.
Therefore, there will come a time when you will feel intoxicated by lying. This lie that I am referring to is the subtle lie, the one that you don’t even realize for it’s a self-deceit. There are certain aspects of reality that were out of your sight and that now you begin to see.
Sometimes I am asked, as a spiritual guru, how to deal with what can be seen now and before it couldn’t, without interfering in joy and trust? I cannot guarantee you a precise path to this. In fact, there are no guarantees. When the truth begins to emerge, it’s inevitable that the relationship will go through turbulences. Thus, trust and joy in the relationship can be shaken. Because once the lie is identified, you feel betrayed and deceived, as well as betraying and deceiving. The attempt is to commit to transparency, integrity and truth, but it is not that simple. It’s amazing how it is not so simple to be truthful and spontaneous.
At some point, we lose ourselves within ourselves, we disconnect from this spontaneity. We lose the connection with the essence and begin to use a shield, an armor, which is this mask of pretending-to-be. Time goes by until you start to believe that you are this mask, you no longer have any reference left of who you are. But somehow this begins to create anguishes that put us in the movement towards the truth.
As a spiritual guru, I feel that what can really help is the willingness to have good dialogues, to embrace yourself and the other. In a relationship, this journey from the false in the direction of being ourselves, or from the mask to the real, is like entering a dark forest. If there is love, awareness of the partnership and friendship, then the couple holds each other’s hands and goes through this dark night together, until they can reach the other side still connected with Eros, love and sex.
PREM BABA SAYS THAT THE PARTNER IS THE UNION OF THE MASCULINE AND FEMININE WITHIN US
As a spiritual guru, I usually notice some points that I consider important. Firstly, think with me: for some reason, you were born in this cycle of time in which we are experiencing a transition, an expansion of consciousness. You don’t accept the old way of living anymore, but you still don’t have much courage to move on to something new. You even recognize the importance of honesty, transparency, respect, but you have not yet completed your transition from fear to trust. You act and relate out of fear. Every lie is based on fear. That is why I, Prem Baba, say that the main challenge is to eradicate fear from the soul.
If you are aware of the importance of getting rid of your masks and lies, this process can be wonderful. You begin to recognize how much living actually allows you to move into the experience of the pleasure that is positively oriented (which is the pleasure in the joy of being together, in friendship and in companionship). Above all, no more negatively oriented pleasure (which is the pleasure of rejecting, being rejected and in sadomasochism). It’s worth mentioning that Eros is an aspect of consciousness that moves towards fusion and the experience of unity, that is, the experience of love and eroticism, because love is the one that merges and unites.
But Eros doesn’t always achieve the goal of accomplishing unity or pure love. Sometimes it’s necessary to purify dark aspects of the personality that are automatically activated when the experience of love manifests. To put it in a better way: when love and eroticism in existence awaken in you, and you want to join someone, it’s inevitable that you bring up several aspects that were hidden.
In truth, looking more deeply, this merging with the other is symbolic – the other is an instrument for the experience of unity within you. Ultimately, the feminine or masculine you seek outside is the masculine and feminine within you. Your partner is part of this spiritual initiation that aims to promote the union of the masculine and feminine within you, and for this to happen, you first have to clean the basement.
As I already wrote here, everything has its time. If this is not possible for you yet, follow your path the best way possible at your own time. Have the courage to face your fears, the main one being the fear of not being loved, of being yourself and being rejected by the other. Remember: where there is fear, there is no love, because fear is the antithesis of love. Love is nourished by trust and freedom.
An important step towards this liberation that we want so much and that I, as a spiritual guru, wish for everyone is not to judge people by appearances. I talk a little bit more about this topic and you can read it by clicking on this link.
