April 14, 2024
Imagine the following situation: on any given afternoon, you are walking down the street and see a scene that catches your attention: a person sitting on the sidewalk, clearly distressed, with tears in their eyes. The initial impulse of many would be to sit next to them and, in an attempt to show support, try to feel their pain, absorb their suffering so that they do not feel so alone in their anguish. This is a common reaction, however, depending on how you do this, you might confuse empathy with merging with the other person’s pain. But is suffering together the only or the best way to offer support?
There is a widespread belief that if we do not share in the pain of others, especially when they are suffering, we will be insensitive or devoid of empathy. However, it is crucial to distinguish between feeling empathy and suffering together. Mature empathy is an essential component for truly helping someone in distress because it allows us to understand their feelings without losing ourselves in them.
Empathy is the ability to understand and feel the other person. It means putting yourself in the other’s place, trying to see the world through their eyes and feel what they feel, without necessarily having experienced the same situation. To empathize is to be touched by another person’s adversity, wishing to help them overcome their condition. However, for this help to be effective, it is necessary to maintain a certain emotional distance, which does not equate to being cold but rather to preserving one’s own emotional stability while offering support. Think of the example of a doctor treating a severely injured patient: to provide the best care, the doctor cannot get carried away by the patient’s pain but must remain understanding and professionally distant.
This perspective is applicable to all our relationships, whether with friends, family, or romantic partners. In a world where suffering is a constant for many, our ability to offer a safe harbor without getting lost in someone else’s storm is more valuable than ever. I say this because I see many people in despair with their suffering and many others who do not know how to deal with the suffering of others.
Pain needs to be welcomed and cared for, we cannot be afraid of it, but it is important to have respect and understand that suffering has a gravitational force. Nobody wants to suffer alone, so understand that when helping someone whose consciousness is lowered because of their suffering, the path is not to lower your consciousness. The path is to empathize with the other person’s pain without taking those pains as your own so that your consciousness is elevated to the point of being able to truly assist.
Therapists, in particular, face this challenge daily. To care for the emotional and mental health of their patients, they cannot merge with the pains presented in consultation. When there is excessive identification, there is a risk of projecting one’s own issues and sufferings onto the other, compromising the objectivity and effectiveness of the help offered.
Therefore, I invite everyone to reflect on their daily interactions: are we truly practicing empathy, or are we getting lost in the suffering of others? Cultivating mature and conscious empathy is a fundamental step towards building a world where mutual support is genuine, profound, and above all, healing. Let us be beacons of understanding and help, without drowning in the waves of suffering we seek to alleviate.
